


Touch In The Night

by musikfurfreiheit



Category: Delain (Band)
Genre: F/F, charmer - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 07:16:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14929667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musikfurfreiheit/pseuds/musikfurfreiheit
Summary: "I’m a victim of my own desire"





	1. Chapter 1

She knew this was wrong, but it felt too good to not do it. The hands on her body, stroking her skin and touching her most intimate parts. The voice that rang in her ears and the shivers that ran down her spine. It all felt so good, over and over again. A soft moan rolled over Merel’s lips when one hand slipped into her pants, stroking the fabric of her underwear and pushing down on her clit. The hand only lingered there for a second. There wasn’t much time, it had to be quick, and so the hand moved into the guitarist’s underwear only a few seconds later. Even though her eyes were closed, Merel could see the grin in front of her. Those hazel eyes with dilated pupils, filled with lust as a single finger stroke through Merel’s folds.

Another moan filled the room when the finger reached Merel’s entrance. She arched her back, welcoming the finger inside of her and moaning even loader when it was joined by a second digit. It felt so good, but she had to stay quiet. Quickly she caught her lower lip between her teeth and tried to fight her moans. The fingers started moving, gently stroking her walls before the pace fastened. With her left hand the guitarist tried to hold on to the surface underneath her. Her body was shaking and so was her breath. She could almost feel a warm breath on her face as the fingers dug even deeper, hitting that one spot that drove Merel insane. And that was all it took.

Merel’s mind was blank, except for one name. The one person that had occupied her mind for last months and who’s name rolled over Merel’s lip when the orgasm took over her body.

‘Ch-Charlooottee…’

The name still rang in her ears while she slowly tried to catch her breath. She felt how the muscles in her body started relaxing and she rested her head against the wall behind her. Her eyes were still closed, but she suddenly was aware of how painfully quiet it was. There was not a single sound, only her increased heartbeat and her shallow breaths. When Merel opened her eyes again, she was met by the white walls of the toilet cubicle. The color surrounded her, accompanied by the silence. Charlotte wasn’t there, had never been. The singer was only there in her mind, just like she’d been for the last months.

Disappointed Merel pulled her hand from her jeans. She was disappointed that Charlotte wasn’t there, but she was mostly disappointed in herself. Why couldn’t she be strong? Why couldn’t she resist the temptation? A feeling that resembled guilt filled her as she tried to button up her pants again, her legs shaking as she stood.

The last bit of joy that the orgasm had brought her disappeared as soon as she pushed open the door of the cubicle. She wasn’t alone. Otto was standing at the sink, checking his eye in the mirror for god knows what reason. How long had he been there? What had he heard? The bassist didn’t seem to react to her, but it wasn’t enough to stop Merel’s worrying. With her heart beating fast and her legs still shaking she made her way to the free sink next to Otto. As soon as the scent coming from her fingers reached Merel’s nose, she let the cold water run over them. She was scared Otto could smell it too, and would figure out what she had been doing if he hadn’t already heard all of it.

Not a single word was spoken between the two of them. Merel avoided looking at Otto while she washed her hands, the bass player was focused on his eye. The silence and not knowing what the man had heard almost drove Merel insane. She wanted to get out of there, away from Otto and away from the walls that knew her secret. As quick as possible she dried her hands and turned around, making her way towards the door of the bathroom without looking back. A relieved sigh almost wanted to escape when her fingers touched the handle, but her heart skipped a beat when Otto’s voice sounded.

‘Merel?’

‘Hmm?’

It was the only sound Merel trusted her voice to make. Slowly she turned around, feeling exactly how much her body was shaking. She dared to meet the bassist’s gaze in the mirror, only to regret it when he spoke again.

‘We need to talk after the show.’


	2. Chapter 2

Never before had Merel been this nervous for a show. Not when she played her very first gig, not when she’d been pacing around in the backstage before her first show with MaYaN, not when she’d been biting her nails before her first performance with Delain. She was dying. Her stomach felt like it could turn upside down any moment, every fiber of her body wanted to run away and scream at the same time. But none of those were actually an option. The intro music was already playing and Ruben was already on his way to his instrument on stage. Merel watched the drummer greeting the fans, his face and smile filled with confidence while she tried finding her own. Martijn followed the drummer’s example, greeting the fans with a smile before taking place behind the keyboard. Otto would be next. Not a single part of Merel wanted to see him –before, during, and definitely not after the show- but she still found herself looking up when the bassist passed her. Their eyes met, only a brief second, but the gaze was enough to bring the girl to the very verge of tears.

There was nowhere to run, no time for tears. The fans were waiting, shouting just as loud as Merel wanted to do as well. She wanted to shout at Otto, tell him to leave her the fuck alone and never tell anyone about what happened. Shout at Charlotte, to stop haunting her mind on every moment of the day. Shout at the world, just because life wasn’t fair. But instead she just wiped her tears away before they even had the chance to escape and took a deep breath. A warm hand was placed on her shoulder, and Merel died a little bit more on the inside when Charlotte’s scent reached her half a second later.

‘Go get ‘em, tiger.’

The smile Merel forced on her lips was more a reflex than anything else. It hurt deep inside, not only because soon her secret would be out but also because it was the complete opposite of what she wanted to do. And yet. With the fake smile still present she took her first step towards the stage, followed by another, and yet another. The lights were so bright they blinded the guitarist for a second, but she could clearly hear the crowd scream. They were shouting for her, they were here to see her, and she was not going to let the fans down. Anyone, even herself, but not the fans. And yet the show turned out to be one of the worst Merel ever played.

Every time her eyes met Charlotte’s, or when she noticed the singer looking even remotely at her direction, Merel had to fight her tears. Concerts would never be like this anymore. Once Charlotte knew about her secret everything would be different. No more teasing on stage, no more gentle pats on the head or silly faces. Otto would reveal everything, ruin everything, and it all was Merel’s own damn fault. If only she had been more careful, or if she’d been stronger, things wouldn’t be as bad as they were right now.

By the end of the show Merel was exhausted and hyper alert at the same time. Her mind was tired from the constant worrying, every muscle in her body ached from the stage work out and the tenseness of which she’d played. She was more than alert to not draw more attention than necessary. Once again she put on a smile when they all bowed together, so wide it physically hurt her face. The crowd was still cheering when she almost ran off the stage, completely ignoring the fans that begged for her guitar picks. She wasn’t going back, not today, maybe never again.

Merel didn’t want to face her bandmates again, none of them, even though she knew it would be impossible to avoid Otto. She handed her beloved guitar to one of the crewmembers, quickly grabbed all her belongings from the dressing room and ran outside towards the tourbus. There were no fans in sight yet, and Merel was more than happy about it. All she wanted to do now was disappear, and for a second she wondered if she would fit in the trunk of the bus with all their luggage. Unfortunately the door of the bus opened again before she even had the chance to finish the thought.

Otto walked in, the smell of concert sweat still surrounding him. Merel bit her lip as she looked at him and prepared herself to be hurt in every way possible.

‘Can you please stop looking so scared?’ The bass player asked. ‘I only want to talk.’

‘Are you going to tell Charlotte?’

‘Not if you tell me what’s going on. I’m pretty worried about you right now.’

‘Nothing.’ Merel answered, her voice shaking. ‘Nothing is going on. I’m gay and so deep in the closet that Ikea is naming their next design after me and I’m pretty much in love with Charlotte. Now you know my darkest secret and can ruin my life with it.’

‘I was already afraid you were going to say that.’

‘Say what?’

‘That you’re in love with Charlotte.’ Otto sighed. ‘Look, I get it. She’s beautiful, smart, and amazing in every way, but not with relationships. Please, don’t hurt yourself and stay away from her, don’t tell her you love her.’

‘Because she’s not into women?’

‘She is, for fun. I don’t know if she gay, bisexual or whatever, but she has been with women for fun. She “dated” them and threw them away when she got bored of them. She’s going to do the same with you, just like she did with Floor, Alissa, Tommy, Elize, Georg, Dianne…’

Merel looked at Otto while processing what he just said. She pictured Charlotte with everyone he’d just named, feeling the hairs in her neck stand up.

‘She has been with all of them?’

‘Always just for one tour.’ Otto confirmed. ‘Please, don’t become the next in line. I’m warning you, you will get hurt.’


	3. Chapter 3

Avoiding Charlotte was even harder than it sounded. The redhead was all over the place, all the time. Being the only two women made them create a bond they couldn’t have with any of the other band members, and Merel was not interested in losing that. She had to find a way between keeping a distance and not pushing Charlotte away. And it was just as difficult as it sounded.

Questioning looks were sent her way every time she turned down an opportunity to be alone with Charlotte. Like now. There was a hint of hurt in Charlotte’s eyes, confusion in the gazes of the others. The only comforting eyes belonged to Otto, the one who tried to protect her from the mess he created.

‘Merel and I already have plans.’ Otto broke the silence that slowly became uncomfortable. ‘I want revenge for her beating me last time. I’m sorry Charlotte, but Merel is all mine this evening. I would invite you to join our game evening but-’

‘We only have 2 controllers. Yeah, yeah, I get it.’

The singer got up and left the lounge of the tourbus without even looking back once and Merel’s chest filled with guilt. Again. She hated saying no to the woman she loved, but she had to protect herself from even more pain.

The other band members followed Charlotte’s example. One by one they got up, mumbled something in the trend of “see you tomorrow”, and left the lounge without looking back. Martijn’s footsteps were the last ones to be heard before they faded and Otto and Merel were left behind with silence. For a second they just sat there, then the bass player also got up. Merel eyed him with a frown, but smiled when he made his way towards the fridge before handing her a cold beer and grabbing one for himself.

‘You look like you need one.’

‘I do.’ The girl said before taking a sip. ‘Thanks.’

Otto didn’t answer. Instead he just pushed a PlayStation controller into her free hand before sitting down next to her and starting the device. Only a few seconds later the music from the game was filling the lounge, no actual words being spoken. The players just set up their game in silence, started the race in silence, and played in silence.

Merel didn’t mind. She welcomed the distraction and was glad that she could just focus on the game without having to think about everything that was going on. Or so she thought. The guilt was still gnawing at the back of her head, Charlotte was always on her mind, one way or another. And also Otto seemed to have other plans once they got close to the end of their race.

‘How are you doing?’

‘Pretty decent.’ Merel answered without looking away from the screen. ‘I can already see the finish and you’re nowhere in sight so, I’m doing great actually.’

And suddenly her car wasn’t moving any more. The music had stopped and once again the room was almost painfully quiet. “Pause” was almost yelling at her from the screen, and made Otto’s voice almost sound sweet.

‘I meant with Charlotte.’

Merel had to tear her eyes away from the screen. She didn’t want this conversation, but there was no way to avoid it. She couldn’t just walk out on him. She was trapped here, with Otto, and with the conversation.

‘Not that great.’

‘I know it must be hard but-’

‘You don’t know a thing.’ Merel almost hissed. ‘You don’t know what it is like to be in the closet, to say no to the person you love and to push her away. You don’t know a fucking thing!’

Without hesitation Merel continued the game. The grip on her controller was so tight her knuckles had turned white, and she was glad the device couldn’t feel pain. She didn’t feel the usual joy when she finished first. Instead she took a deep breath and slowly put the controlled down.

‘I’m sorry.’ She mumbled before taking another sip of her beer. ‘You’re right, it is hard. Charlotte is just all over the place and-’

A buzzing sound interrupted her. A quick glance at the table between them and the TV told them Merel got a call on her phone, the name on the screen making her heart sink. Charlotte.

‘See, this is what I mean.’ The girl sighed before answering the call. ‘Yeah?’

‘Are you still gaming?’ Charlotte asked.

‘No, we just finished.’

‘Did you win?’

‘Of course I did.’ Merel said, as if it was the most natural thing to beat Otto. ‘What’s up?’

‘I… sort of need help with something, and I really can’t ask the others. Can you please come to my bed?’

‘Eh, sure. I’ll be right there.’

‘Stay strong.’ Merel looked up when Otto’s voice sounded again after she ended the call. ‘Don’t get too close to her.’

The girl didn’t answer him. She just drank the last bit of her beer before leaving Otto behind, the music of the game following her while she made her way to the sleeping compartments.

The first thing Merel heard when she opened the door was the humming coming from Charlotte’s bed. The humming immediately stopped when she closed the door again, and was replaced with Charlotte’s voice.

‘Are you alone?’

‘Yeah, why?’

Charlotte pulled open the curtain besides her bed, and Merel gulped when she saw the answer. Charlotte was topless. And braless. Her breasts very, very naked.


	4. Chapter 4

If science had ever needed the perfect example of the fight-or-flight response, this was it.

Merel could feel the fear running through her veins, her increased heartbeat spreading it through her entire body. She barely dared to breathe or look at the woman in front of her, but it was impossible to keep her eyes off her body.

For months the poor girl had been dreaming about it. About the soft skin that was now fully exposed to her, about the breasts that redefined the meaning of perfection, about kissing the birthmarks and freckles that adorned the redhead’s chest. She was so close to Charlotte and her naked chest, that she could almost taste the skin on her lips. The redhead’s natural scent seemed stronger than ever. It was driving her insane.

She had to stay away from Charlotte, as far as possible to protect herself. Otto’s voice in her mind was telling her to run, but the voice of her heart was stronger. No matter how much it would hurt, she longed to be close to the other woman.

So she stayed, well aware of the risk she was taking.

‘What eh… what do you need help with?’ Merel stumbled, trying her very best to keep her eyes off those wonderful breasts.

‘I can’t get my new piercings in.’

It was only then that Merel noticed the shiny metal ring in Charlotte’s right nipple, and a silver bar in the left one. One of the spheres to keep it in place was missing, and the girl could already predict what exactly it was Charlotte needed her help with.

The urge to run grew. First there were the naked breasts, then the piercings that exceeded her wildest fantasies. And now she had to touch both of them. Her hands on Charlotte’s naked skin, it was terrifying. And yet, she stayed.

‘I can’t get the sphere in the right place to screw it on, it keeps falling off. Can you please do it for me?’

Every part of Merel’s mind was screaming NO, and yet she heard the complete opposite word roll over her lips. Carefully she sat down next to Charlotte, taking over the tiny metal ball the singer handed her while trying to stop her hands from shaking.

While the poor girl was trying to mentally prepare herself, the singer confidently grabbed her breast and lifted it while keeping the metal bar in place. There was no way out now for Merel. She took her time to inspect the sphere in between her fingers, making sure she knew exactly where the hole was that would fit on the bar. Her hands were still shaking when she moved her hand towards Charlotte’s chest, trying not to touch her skin and miserably failing. Her hand brushed over the soft skin of the redhead’s breast, and the sphere fell out of her hands before she even had it in place. The blush on Merel’s cheek grew when she did another attempt, and once again dropped the tiny ball while trying to screw it on.

‘I think you’ll have to use two hands.’

Merel only trusted a “hmm” to escape while biting her lip. Charlotte was right, this would never work with just one hand. With her lower lip caught between her lips, her left hand holding the breast and nipple and barely daring to breathe, Merel once again tried to screw the sphere on the bar. She only tried to focus on getting the job done, but she couldn’t just not notice how good the breast felt in her hand. It was so soft and warm, the exact right shape to fit in her hand. Just like the rest of the redhead’s chest, the breast was adorned by freckles. They formed a pattern that fascinated Merel, and made her miss the smirk playing on Charlotte’s lips.

‘Interesting.’ The singer smiled when the piercing was finally into place. ‘You like boobs.’

As if burned, Merel pulled back her hands and looked up at Charlotte’s face. She tried finding the right words, but couldn’t even come up with something that could convince herself.

‘I-I don’t.’ She mumbled. ‘I mean, I like them a normal amount.’

‘For someone who’s into women. Are you gay?’

‘Do you need help with the other one as well?’ Merel asked, trying to drop the subject by not answering the question. But Charlotte wasn’t having any of it.

‘Bisexual? Pansexual?’

‘No.’

Merel felt trapped. Charlotte was looking right through her, reading every part of her mind, and her body wasn’t exactly keeping the secrets safe.

‘I won’t judge, do you have a crush on me?’

The blood kept rushing to her cheeks and she couldn’t stop biting her lip. She didn’t dare to meet Charlotte’s piercing gaze, didn’t know if she would ever dare to even look at the singer again.

‘Goodnight Charlotte.’

Without looking back, and completely missing Charlotte’s knowing gaze, Merel got up from the bed and climbed onto the mattress above Charlotte’s. She tried to convince herself that none of this had actually happened. Instead she tried to focus on the act of changing into her pajamas, and decided that it wouldn’t hurt to skip brushing her teeth once. She didn’t want to pass Charlotte again, didn’t want to see her and definitely didn’t want to think about her again.

And Charlotte made that impossible.

A soft sigh sounded only half a minute after Merel had laid down and closed her eyes. Another sigh sounded a minute later, followed by a quiet moan, and Merel’s eyes flew open when she realized what was happening underneath her.

She could exactly imagine how Charlotte’s hand played with the piercing in her nipple while the other one slipped into her sleeping shorts. She could imagine how the singer closed her eyes while enjoying the touch of her own hands, moaning a bit louder every time her finger hit the right spot.

It was driving Merel insane.

Every part of her mind was on fire, but there was one particular area of her body that was aching to be touched. Merel could no longer take it, and let her hand wander down her own body while listening to the heavy breathing underneath her.

She wasn’t surprised to find a moist mess when her hand slipped in her underwear. Being so close to Charlotte and touching her breasts had definitely turned her on, but hearing the singer’s sounds of pleasure was making her frustration unbearable.

Trying to stay silent herself, Merel followed Charlotte’s lead and carefully touched her clit. She would go faster whenever Charlotte’s breathing or moaning increased, and slow down when she felt her climax coming closer. It was only when she heard one last moan, followed by a sigh of relief, that she allowed herself to orgasm.

The great feeling that spread through her body didn’t stay long. As soon as she removed her hand from her underwear she realized how wrong it had been, and she quickly wiped her fingers clean on the corner of her mattress before turning her back to it.

Charlotte was killing her.


	5. Chapter 5

Landscapes of green fields and mountains flashed by. Baby dragons playfully flew through the air, learning how to use their wings and playing a game of which the rules were more than a hundred years old. An army of brave men made their way into their next battle, their armors reflecting the sunlight and already blinding the enemy that wasn’t in sight yet.

The music that played in the distance made the image even more epic than it already was. Merel’s heartbeat increased just that bit more when a lone bagpipe player decided the soundtrack of her thoughts would change, only to skip a beat just a few seconds later.

She was ripped from her thoughts when the music stopped playing in her left ear. The dragons faded, the army returned home, the roaring of the motor reached her again. Slowly Merel looked up from the window, only to meet Charlotte’s smile while she put the earphone in her own ear.

‘I didn’t know you listen to folk music?’

‘It’s Celtic.’ Merel mumbled ‘It calms me down.’

Charlotte didn’t answer as she handed Merel the earphone again. She just looked at the guitarist, sat down next to her and carefully placed her hand on the girl’s knee.

‘I’m sorry about yesterday.’ She said ‘It’s okay if you’re gay, or bi, or whatever. I didn’t want to scare you.’

Merel couldn’t bring herself to look at the other woman. She just stared at the hand on her knee, which almost seemed to burn through her jeans. The music was still playing in her right ear and she tried to focus on the melody, but her focus kept drifting off to Charlotte.

‘It’s fine.’ Merel eventually said.

‘Just know that you’re not the only one who likes girls.’

Merel looked up when Charlotte squeezed her knee and was met by a wink and a smirk. She already knew the singer was into women, but somehow it still shocked her mind to get it confirmed by the singer herself. Or maybe it was because she was flirting with her. Wasn’t she?

Charlotte got up before leaning down again. For a second Merel was convinced Charlotte would kiss her, but instead she turned her head and placed her mouth next to the girl’s ear.

‘You know where to find me.’

The whisper sent a shiver down Merel’s spine. Their cheeks were touching before Charlotte moved and replaced hers by her lips, planting a soft kiss on Merel’s cheek before standing up again. With the smirk still in place she left Merel behind, as an even bigger mess than the evening before.

Never before had Charlotte been so into reach. She was basically handed the chance to be with the singer, in every way she wanted to. All she had to do was take it.  She just had to get up and tell Charlotte how she felt, but there was a voice in her that stopped her.

Otto’s voice.

She probably would get hurt, and she could already hear him say “I told you so”. But what if he was wrong? What if she’d truly loved the other people she had been with, but it just didn’t work when their ways parted after the tour? That wouldn’t happen to them, Merel was in the same band as Charlotte. They would still see each other after the tour.

The alarm beeping on her phone pulled Merel from her thoughts. They would arrive at the venue soon, there was no more time for overthinking everything now. Now she had to focus on her job and the upcoming gig, and unfortunately Charlotte was a big part of both of them.

With a light groan, Merel put her earphones in her ears again, but the Celtic music didn’t have its usual effect. It didn’t calm her down, magical sceneries didn’t appear in her mind, but it was enough to shut the others out until she was within the safe walls of her dressing room.

Or so she thought.

The venue turned out to be one of the smaller ones of the tour, the backstage having only 2 dressing rooms. She had to choose between spending the time with Otto and his knowing look, or Charlotte and everything that was going on between them. And even though she knew better, Merel chose the latter option.

Trying to convince herself nothing would happen, Merel followed the singer into the dressing room Charlotte had claimed for them. It was nothing special. They would just get ready for the show, and that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. They had already done this a hundred times, and nothing would be different now.

Except this time, Charlotte was the one to send secret glimpses at the mirror.

Merel would lie if she said she hadn’t secretly admired the singer’s body when they changed into their stage outfits. It had always been short glimpses, just a second to get a hint of Charlotte’s thighs or abs, and then she would focus on herself again. Charlotte wasn’t that subtle.

The redhead’s gaze was burning on her body. Merel could feel those piercing hazel eyes on every patch of naked skin. Their eyes met when Merel looked up and instead of looking away, a playful smile grew on Charlotte’s lips. It was driving her insane.

This was the exact kind of attention she’d longed for, but never thought she would actually get. And now that she finally had it, she didn’t know what to do with it.


	6. Chapter 6

This is what she lived for.

The people in front of her where yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs. The lights were blinding her, every muscle in her body was burning and the sweat was already gluing her clothes to her skin. Being on stage was one of the greatest things this world had to offer, and it made Merel forget all her problems for a while.

The stage and the backstage, including the tourbus, were two different worlds. On stage Merel was confident and invincible, while in reality she was anything but. She was just a small girl, looked down upon by everyone, but everyone looked up at her when it was show time.

Even Charlotte.

The singer was sitting on her knees, serenading her just like she did every evening while the audience screamed along to the lyrics of Fire With Fire. It was one of Merel’s favorite moments of every show. The smile that played on Charlotte’s lips, the look Merel got into that great cleavage, and the fans recording every second of their silly moment. She loved it all, even now that there was this new layer of interest between Charlotte and her.

All too soon the moment was over again. Charlotte got up from her kneeling position and ran towards the other side of the stage after one last grin towards Merel. The guitarist did the same and returned her attention to the fans in front of her. She smiled when she noticed some of the regular fans she’d seen at previous shows, getting the widest smile in return. She noticed them and that was all they wanted. Merel could relate to them so well.

For as long as possible, Merel focused on the show. On the fans and the joy of playing her beloved guitar. The adrenaline racing through her veins and the faint pain that started to grow in the fingertips of her left hand.

And then suddenly, the two worlds collided.

Something hit her backside. Or rather, someone. Merel flinched for a second when Charlotte’s hand met her left ass cheek, resulting in notes being left unplayed. Their eyes met when Merel looked up, the biggest smirk set on the singer’s face. She lingered around Merel just a bit longer, and then ran off again to entertain her audience.

A storm was raging through the girl’s mind. Every time Charlotte did as much as remotely look into her direction, Merel would find it hard to focus on the instrument in her hand. She kept messing up, and Charlotte kept looking at her, her eyes being filled with worry by the time the concert came to an end.

As soon as Merel had her chance, she ran off the stage and fled into the safety of her dressing room. She hoped Charlotte would linger around the stage a bit longer. This was already the second show this tour that Merel had messed up. She had to get herself together. And that was just impossible with the other woman around.

Only a minute after Merel had found the peace of the dressing room, the door behind her opened again. Charlotte stood there, the worry written all over her face between the smudged make up. She was calm when she closed the door again, and Merel was anything but.

‘Hey, are you okay?’

‘Yes.’

And it was right then, when the biggest lie of her life rolled over her lips that she broke down. A first sob sounded, followed by a second one before a tear escaped. Everything hurt, everything was a mess, and Merel just didn’t know what to do anymore.

Almost instantly Charlotte wrapped her arms around Merel. It was both a blessing and a curse.

She felt safe in Charlotte’s arms. The singer’s natural scent, mixed with the concert sweat calmed her down, just like the soft words that were whispered and the hand that moved in slow circles over her back. Merel could hear and feel Charlotte’s heartbeat, knowing that that heart would never truly beat for her. Charlotte was ruining her life. And on the other hand she was the only one that could put it back together.

‘I’m sorry for smacking your ass on stage, I should have known better.’ Charlotte whispered when Merel had calmed down after a few minutes.

Merel lightly smiled, but still didn’t pull back. It felt so good in Charlotte’s embrace that she wanted to enjoy it as long as she could. She wanted to be as close to Charlotte as possible, and she knew that if that was what she truly wanted, there was a way to get it.

The girl almost protested when eventually Charlotte was the one to pull back. Merel looked up, their eyes meeting, and that’s when she made her decision. Being with Charlotte was what she truly wanted.

Without giving herself the chance to have second thoughts, she grabbed the golden fabric of Charlotte’s stage dress and stood on her toes. She leaned up while pulling the other woman down, pressing their lips together hungrily.

Merel’s heart almost stopped beating. The taste of Charlotte’s lips was nothing like she’d imagined, the feeling that spread through her body almost paralyzed her. She was close to crying, both of joy and desperation. The storm was still raging through her mind, doubting if this was right or wrong, if she was ruining her life.

But when Charlotte kissed her back, she felt more alive than ever.


	7. Chapter 7

For a second, Merel feared all of it had been a dream. Black curtains greeted her when she opened her eyes, just like it did every morning. The roaring of the motor sounded underneath her, Timo’s snoring filled the hallway, her back lightly hurt from the bad mattress. It was just a normal morning, except for the warm body sleeping behind her.

It was only when Merel carefully turned to her back that she got aware of Charlotte’s arm wrapped around her waist. As if she wanted to make sure Merel wouldn’t fall out of the tiny bed they were sharing. A small smile grew on the girl’s lip when she turned her head and found Charlotte’s sleeping form. Her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling with every breath, a small line of forgotten make up next to her eye. It was Charlotte in her purest form, and Merel instantly fell in love with it.

Her mind wandered off to the previous evening while she watched the singer sleep. They hadn’t talked about the kiss in the dressing room, they had barely talked at all. Both of them had just done their thing before heading towards the tourbus. There hadn’t been any post-concert celebration, no alcohol, no games, nothing. They went straight to bed, and just when Merel had been about to climb into her bunk bed, the most beautiful words of the day had sounded.

_“Would you like to sleep in my bed?”_

Merel hadn’t declined. Of course not, how could she? The most beautiful woman on earth, the one that was turning her world upside down and keeping it together at the same time had been standing right there. Sleeping shorts and a unicorn sleeping shirt, pleading eyes and asking Merel to sleep in her bed. How could she possibly have turned that down?

So after a short nod Merel had climbed in the bed underneath her own. Charlotte had instantly wrapped her arm around the guitarist’s waist and planted a small kiss on her shoulder. Goosebumps had covered her body after a  _Good night_  whisper in her ear, and then silence had surrounded them.

And none of it had been a dream.

For almost an entire minute Merel watched the sleeping beauty next to her. She traced the contours of Charlotte’s face with her eyes and burned every single curve and freckle into her mind. It was only when her bladder demanded her attention that Merel carefully turned around again. But Charlotte wasn’t having any of it.

The redhead tightened the grip around Merel’s waist and pulled her closer. Merel wasn’t sure if Charlotte was aware of what she was doing, but when she tried to get up again and got the same reaction, it was clear that the singer was awake. With a smile Merel turned around once again. She tried to push Charlotte’s hand away, and poked the other woman when she kept protesting.

And that was the start of their tickling war.

Every poke got returned, hands slipped underneath shirts so they could tickle more effectively. The muscles in both Merel’s cheeks and abdomen hurt, but it was a good kind of pain. She enjoyed the faces and noises Charlotte was making every time Merel’s fingers found the redhead’s weak spot. She enjoyed this moment of silliness, and she enjoyed not having to worry about anything. She even enjoyed the way Charlotte ended the war.

Without a warning Charlotte closed the distance between them and firmly pressed their lips together, Merel freezing instantly. Her heart skipped a beat and her mind needed a second to process what was happening before she kissed Charlotte back. Her lips were still as soft as they had been the previous evening, they only tasted a bit differently now the layer of lip balm was missing. But Merel loved it nonetheless.

Their tickle war had turned into soft kissing, but there still was a smile on Merel’s lips. With every second spent with Charlotte, she fell even more in love with her. The kiss was slow and Merel tried her best engrave every single detail into her mind. The way their lips moved together, the smell of Charlotte’s hair, the feeling of the redhead’s skin under her fingers. Even the moment that Charlotte’s hand slipped under her shirt and lightly scratched her stomach. As the hand tried to travel higher however, Merel pulled back and pushed the hand away.

She enjoyed everything Charlotte was doing, but it felt wrong to go any further. Merel wasn’t one to just have sex. She believed in making love, and that was exactly what she wanted to do with the other woman. But not here in the tourbus, not now, without having talked about all of this.

‘I need to use the bathroom.’ Merel whispered before pecking Charlotte’s lips one last time before turning around and getting up, Charlotte’s answer following her.

‘I’ll get you later.’

The words were still hunting the girl when she sat down on the couch near the kitchen of the bus. She turned on the tv to break the silence, but without the intention of actually watching. Charlotte’s words kept spooking through her mind. They were spoken with so much lust, that Merel started doubting the singer’s intentions. And it wasn’t long until the source of her doubts sat down next to her.

Otto.

‘So,’ He said, looking at the tv instead of her. ‘you slept with Charlotte.’

‘I did. I slept with her. Nothing more, nothing less, we just slept.’

Otto apparently didn’t believe her. He tore his eyes off the tv and looked at her instead with the eye of an all-knowing father. She almost felt guilty under his stare, but she wasn’t sure why. Because she had been lying to Otto, or because she hadn’t just slept with Charlotte.

‘We kissed.’ Merel admitted. ‘But I swear that’s all.’

‘Merel…’

‘I know, okay? I’m careful.’

‘Merel?’

Merel and Otto looked up when Charlotte suddenly stood next to them. She was still wearing her pajama’s, and even though it wasn’t the first time Merel saw her like this, her heart still skipped a beat?

‘Hmm?’

‘I’m getting breakfast, do you want some too?’ Charlotte asked, with a smile Merel could impossibly say no to.

‘Yeah, I’ll come with you.’

Merel instantly got up from the couch and followed Charlotte into the kitchen, feeling Otto’s stare on her back the entire time. She had to get away from him and his warnings, as far away as possible. So when she was pushed against the counter as soon as they entered the kitchen, she was more than fine with it. Charlotte kissed her deeply before she even had the chance to blink, but pulled away again after just a few seconds.

With a grin playing in her lips, Charlotte stepped away from the girl and opened the fridge. Merel watched her  while the singer started preparing their breakfast, very aware of the butterflies in her stomach. Charlotte was so beautiful, so soft. How could something that felt so right, be possibly wrong?

‘Do we have to talk about this?’ Merel blurted out. ‘About us?’

Charlotte only smiled. She didn’t look up from the fruit she was cutting and only answered after putting half a strawberry in her mouth.

‘Why would we need to talk about it?’ She asked, the smile still on her lips. ‘I like you, and I have a feeling you like me back, don’t you?’

Merel couldn’t hold back the smile that grew on her lips. She didn’t answer. She just nodded and kissed Charlotte again, no longer holding herself back.

Yes, she definitely liked Charlotte back.


	8. Chapter 8

Merel felt the sun burning on her skin as soon as she stepped out of the bus. The air burned her lungs when she took a deep breath. She loved that feeling. After being locked up in a bus with several guys, the fresh air and sunlight were more than welcome. She just stood there, with her head tilted back and her arms stretched out, until Ruben stepped out of the bus and pushed her out of the way to do exactly the same.

One by one the musicians followed. They all took in the much needed vitamin D, and then were pushed aside by the next musician. When finally everyone was out and ready to go, they headed towards Central Park. Merel had been looking forward to spending a day off outside, especially now that they were in New York City. There was so much to see and to do, and it could even provide her the rest and peace she desired so much.

The wind was chilly but not too cold. The sun created wonderful shadows of the trees and plants surrounding them. Birds sang their songs and dogs ran next to their owners while they were on their daily run. Everything was so peaceful that Merel could almost hear relaxing Celtic music playing in her head. Until warmth and a soft touch surrounded her hand.

Charlotte’s smile met her when she looked up and it immediately relaxed her. The smile was so comforting and reassuring, promising that everything would be fine, and Merel believed it. Her chest filled with warmth when she smiled back and she even dared to wrap her fingers around Charlotte’s hand as well.

Merel’s heart was racing.

She was holding Charlotte’s hand, in public, where everyone could see it. And it felt good. For the first time Merel wasn’t ashamed of who she liked. She didn’t feel guilty about her feelings for Charlotte, or women in general. Everything felt so good, so right and so safe, that not even the looks from the men could push her of her cloud.

One by one they looked at the women and their linked hands, a frown present on their faces before looking away again. For once Merel didn’t care. The only gaze she cared about came from Charlotte’s hazel eyes. The tiny spot in those eyes that reflected the sunlight immediately made her forget about the others. It was just her and Charlotte. Or at least for a second.

‘Do you want to ride the carousel with me?’

Merel almost wanted to answer immediately, but then she was suddenly aware of how many people actually surrounded them. She hadn’t noticed how they’d walked into the most crowded part of the park. It was no longer just them, nor just the band and the crew anymore. There were other people, a lot of them, and any of them could possibly recognize them. Merel eyed the crowd for a second, but no one seemed to pay attention to the two young women who were walking hand in hand.

'Come on, we’re in New York, no one knows us here.’

Slowly, Charlotte pulled her towards the carousel, and Merel letting her. Partly because she didn’t want to let go of the singer’s hand, but mostly because she trusted her. She would probably follow this woman to the end of the earth and back.

The man at the cash register didn’t even frown at them when Charlotte paid for their tickets. He was probably so used to adult tourists wanting to try the ride, that the two of them were no exception. They were just another couple of European tourists.

Merel decided to not give it a second thought. She was already observing the carousel in front of them and deciding which of the vehicles she would pick. The Jaguar? The tank? The fire truck? Maybe the motor, Merel had always been fascinated by them. By the time the current ride came to an end Merel was determined to get on one of the motor’s. As soon as they were allowed to get on, she immediately headed towards the Harley Davidson she’d set her eye on, but Charlotte had something else in mind.

Even before Merel was halfway to her motor, she felt the redhead grabbing her arm and pulling her aside. Away from the motor and towards the horses. For a second she wanted to protest, but eventually decided otherwise. It wasn’t a real motor after all, and if Charlotte wanted to ride the horses, she would ride them with her.

The ride was exactly like Merel remembered it. Slow, nostalgic, and a lot of fun. The movement of the horses was so hypnotizing that it made her forget about everything around her. And once again, it was just her and Charlotte. The redhead had the widest smile on her lips while she took pictures of the two of them. She was clearly enjoying herself. In the same way Charlotte enjoyed life itself. How could this woman possibly hurt anyone on purpose?

The ride was over way to soon, and smiles were still playing on the women’s lips when they walked back to the rest of the group. Once again their hands were linked, and this time it had been Merel who initiated it. She wanted to be close to Charlotte.

And she wanted cotton candy.

The pink truck caught her attention right before they reached the group again. She could almost taste the sweet sugar on her tongue already and lightly pulled Charlotte’s arm to get her attention.

'Charlie?’

'Hmm?’

'Do you want to share some cotton candy?’

While the words left her mouth, Merel already pulled out her puppy eyes. She knew her pleading look was pretty hard to say no to, and she knew how to use them. Once again they had the desired effect. Charlotte sighed before making her way towards the pink truck while already looking for her money. Merel smiled, but it disappeared from her face when she saw Martijn making his way towards her.

'Merel, can I talk to you?’

'Leave it, Martijn.’ Otto interrupted before Merel could answer. 'I already told her to be careful. She has been warned enough, but she won’t listen.’

No other words were spoken. Martijn looked at her with worry written all over his face, Otto’s eyes were disappointed. Merel didn’t care, she was determined and she knew they were wrong. They didn’t know the bond between her and Charlotte, didn’t know this side of their singer. But Merel did, and she believed in it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning; nsfw

Merel could still clearly see the twinkle in Charlotte’s eyes. Every time she brought a bit of the pink cotton candy to her lips, the singer’s eyes would find hers before Charlotte licked her fingers clean. Sometimes it was followed by a wink that left Merel’s mind speechless.

She should have known that this was where they’d end up eventually.

All the small touches, the stolen kisses, the secret looks and the suggestive winks had lead them to this point. The door of the singer’s dressing room locked, Merel straddling her hips and Charlotte’s hands on her ass to keep her in place while their lips were caught in a heated kiss.

Never before had Merel been so close to the other woman. She saw Charlotte when she peeked through her eyelashes, heard her silent moans when she lightly bit the redhead’s lip. She smelled Charlotte, felt Charlotte, tasted Charlotte. She was everywhere, but at the same time Merel only wanted more.

She sighed when Charlotte’s hands slipped under her shirt. The hands felt so warm on her skin  when they traveled up over her back and eventually grabbed the fabric of the shirt to remove it. Goosebumps appeared on the blonde’s skin as soon as she pulled back and helped Charlotte to get rid of the piece of clothing. Things were moving fast, and Merel was eager to find out how far they would take this.

Hungrily she leaned in to kiss Charlotte again. It was harder to focus this time, as the singer’s hands were now directly touching her naked skin. The hands left light scratches before they moved up her chest before cupping her breasts and squeezing them. Unable to hold back the moan, Merel pulled back in an attempt to catch her breath. Charlotte had other plans.

‘Are you still a virgin?’

The question caught the guitarist off guard. It took her a second to remember the naked body of the girl she’d had sex with a couple of times, but quickly focused on Charlotte again.

‘Eh, no.’

‘Good,’ Charlotte grinned. ‘then you know how to eat pussy.’

Without another warning, Charlotte pushed Merel off her lap. She opened her legs and hitched up her skirt, revealing she wasn’t wearing any underwear before she pulled Merel down again.

‘On your knees.’

Merel did as she was told. She sunk down to her knees and carefully placed her hands on Charlotte’s while taking in the strong scent coming from the singer’s center. The sight made her gulp, but she didn’t had the time to actually take it in.

Just a few seconds later, Charlotte placed her hand at the back of Merel’s head and pulled her face between her legs. The blonde barely had time to breathe before her nose was buried in the singer’s folds, the sweet scent completely surrounding her.

Merel didn’t really had a choice, but that didn’t matter. As soon as she opened her mouth and tasted Charlotte on her tongue, the last thing on her mind was pulling back. It was salty, different than the other girl, but so unique that nothing compared to it.

It wasn’t long until she found the singer’s clit and a loud moan sounded above her. Charlotte probably had been thinking about this moment a lot, Merel concluded from the wetness between the redhead’s legs. For a second she wondered how often they would already have done this if the others weren’t around constantly, or if Merel’s hadn’t stopped her the other times.

Soon her thoughts were pulled into reality again.

Merel felt how the grip on her hair tightened and how she was pushed deeper into the redhead’s core. It probably wouldn’t be long before Charlotte reached her climax, and it wouldn’t be long until Merel ran out of air. Trying to get some time to breathe, the girl pressed her tongue flat against Charlotte’s clit before sucking on the small bundle of nerves. The moans above her grew louder, but when Merel tried pulling back just a tiny bit to use her hands, she immediately was pushed back in place.

Charlotte had to be close, so she wasn’t wasting any more time. As fast as she could Merel flicked the singer’s clit with her tongue, trying to add some pressure every now and then. And by the way Charlotte buried her nails in Merel’s scalp and she pulled her even closer to her core, the guitarist concluded it was working.

A loud moan echoed through the dressing room while Charlotte’s body started shaking. Proud of herself, Merel once again pressed her tongue flat against the singer’s sex and guided her through her orgasm. She tried to lick up every drop of Charlotte’s juices while the redhead came down from her orgasm.

Still proud, and already excited for what would probably come next, Merel pulled back and looked up at Charlotte. The singer looked down at her with a smirk and dilated pupils that send shivers down Merel’s spine, and right towards her core.

Her heart started beating faster when Charlotte got up and pulled Merel up with her. Once again their lips found each other. In the back of her mind Merel registered that they were moving backwards and she was waiting for her back to meet the fabric of the door, but that never happened. Instead she heard Charlotte unlocking the door before opening it and pushing Merel out of the room. Her shirt was pushed into her hands just a second later, and Charlotte winked at Merel’s confused look.

‘The rest is for after the show.’

And then the door was closed and locked again.

Surprised, and still processing what had just happened, Merel stared at the door while catching her breath. She started to become aware of how cold the hallway actually was, and that her face was still covered in Charlotte juices. And it was right in the moment when she realized all of this, that Otto walked around the corner.

Their eyes met and Merel felt herself shrinking under his stare. She instantly felt dirty and guilty for what she’d done, even though she’d enjoyed it so much. Otto’s eyes were filled with disappointment, but he didn’t take the time to say anything. He didn’t had to, his eyes said everything that had to be said when he walked by and left Merel behind.

Alone, cold, ashamed, and more frustrated than ever before.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY NSFW

_“I will fuck you harder than you can even imagine.”_

Those had been Charlotte’s last words for her right before Merel ran on stage. During the entire show the singer had been teasing her. Secret touches and lustful looks went back and forth, spreading the arousal through Merel’s entire body.

And it really looked like Charlotte would keep her promise.

Their lips were already glued together when they reached the door of their hotel room. Without even looking, Charlotte unlocked the door before both of them stumbled into the room. The door fell shut behind them, but the women were too busy with each other to notice it.

Merel’s body was on fire. She’d been longing for Charlotte’s touch for so long, and now it was finally happening. The redhead’s hands were all over her chest, her shirt already laying in some corner of the room. The lips that tasted so sweet moved towards the guitarist’s neck, leaving small bite marks on their way down before sucking on the girl’s delicate skin. Merel didn’t care about the way the other woman was marking her. The pain slightly turned her on, and she only wanted more.

The fingers that explored her chest left scratches when they travelled south. Charlotte’s mouth was still busy marking the girl’s neck by the time she started fighting with the button of Merel’s pant, and it drove her crazy. She had her hands buried in the singer’s red hair, holding on to it as if her life depended on it. It was the only thing keeping her steady.

As soon as Charlotte won the fight with the jeans, she pulled down the zipper and slipped her hand in. The moan that sounded when she roughly cupped the girl’s sex was one filled with lust and desperation, begging the older woman to go on.

And so Charlotte did.

In a fast motion she pulled down Merel’s pants, taking her underwear with them before tossing them aside. She placed her hands on the girl’s shoulders, turning her around before pushing her down on the bed. Merel’s face was buried in the sheets and she only managed to turn her head aside before she felt Charlotte climbing on top of her. She felt the other woman’s hands on her thighs, opening her legs and fully exposing her intimate parts to the chill air in the room.

The singer wasn’t wasting any time. Without a warning Merel felt Charlotte’s fingers on her sex before they disappeared inside her. It wasn’t a feeling she was used to anymore since it had been quite a while since she had sex. She let out a loud noise when she felt the two fingers fill her, a combination of a sigh of relief, and a desperate moan. A second moan followed when Charlotte started thrusting right away, pumping her fingers in and out of her sex at a fast pace.

With every thrust the fingers seemed to dig deeper, hitting spots of which Merel didn’t even know they existed. She buried her nails in the sheets underneath her and bit down on the fabric when Charlotte suddenly arched her fingers, hitting the exact right spot. Her moans were muffled by the blanket, but they still increased the longer Charlotte pumped her fingers into her core.

Merel couldn’t take this much longer an she could feel her orgasm coming closer. The muscles in her arms started clenching while she lightly arched her back, trying to get closer to the hand that kept thrusting into her at a fast pace. And that was the moment Charlotte chose to add a third finger.

A silent cry sounded, still muffled by the blanket she was biting into. The extra finger stretched her and even slightly hurt, but there was no time to think about the pain. Just a few seconds later Merel felt Charlotte’s teeth sinking into the skin of her shoulder, her fingers thrusting into the girl’s core harder than she’d ever experienced. Merel couldn’t take it any longer.

Her entire body started shaking when the orgasm too over her body. Her leg cramped up, the muscles in her core clenched, and moan she let out was louder than intended. She had no control over her body, but Charlotte did.

The singer didn’t gently guide her through her orgasm. She kept thrusting at that same fast pace until she suddenly withdrew her fingers and turned Merel’s body around on the bed. Charlotte sunk through her knees in front of the bed and pulled Merel closer by her ankle before moving in.

Once again there was no warning. Merel was still processing what had just happened when she felt Charlotte’s tongue on her throbbing clit. She let out a moan while throwing back her head, once again clenching the sheets underneath her. Her core was already sore from the treatment it just got, so it wasn’t long before the girl could feel another orgasm getting closer. Charlotte’s tongue was warm and skilled, and didn’t have any trouble pushing her over the edge again.

Merel’s mind was blank. Her mouth was dry and her entire body hurt in the best way possible. But apparently that was not enough for Charlotte. Just when Merel thought the redhead would pull back, she felt the three fingers at her entrance gain. A brief pain shot through her body when they filled her again, the warm tongue still playing with her clit.

The girl couldn’t think anymore. She had no control over her muscles or the sounds she was making. Everything hurt and felt good at the same time. She wanted to breath, but at the same time she only wanted more. And more was exactly what she got when Charlotte buried her nails in the skin of her thigh and left deep red scratches while another orgasm shot through Merel’s body. Wave after the wave the pleasure filled her, until eventually the pain in her core got too much. She tried to get away from Charlotte, tried to turn around and to close her legs, but the singer pulled her back in place.

‘No, please Charlotte.’ Merel begged, still out of breath. ‘I-I can’t. No more.’

Charlotte stopped. She pulled out her fingers and licked them clean while looking Merel right in the eye. Then she disappeared into the bathroom without saying a word.

Merel didn’t care. She finally got to catch her breath and only now became aware of all the pain. Not just in her core, but also the scratches on her thigh and the spot on her back where Charlotte had bitten her. It hurt too much to move. The girl just lay there and stared at the ceiling while she vaguely heard the moans coming from the bathroom. She didn’t had the strength to get up and join the other woman, nor did she find the energy to even imagine it. There was only one thing Merel could think about.

Charlotte had definitely fucked her harder than she’d ever imagined.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And once again; nsfw

Pain. That was all Merel felt when she woke up.

The bite mark on the back of her shoulder was burning, she could still feel the cramp in her leg. And then there was her core. A sharp pain shot through her body when she sat up, coming from the center of her body. Charlotte definitely hadn’t broken her promise the previous evening.

When the name of the singer spooked through her mind, Merel was suddenly aware of the empty spot next to her. Carefully she opened her eyes and tried to look around the room without moving too much. The bed was empty, the lights in the bathroom were turned off, but the redhead’s suitcase was still standing next to Merel’s.

‘Charlotte?’

Her voice was harsh, but no answer followed.

The cold air in the room only reached the girl when the sheets slipped off her naked skip, leaving a trail of goosebumps on her bare arms and back. Carefully she crawled off the bed, her legs wobblywhen she took shorts and a shirt from underneath the bed –she did not remember how they got there-. The pain in her legs and core reminded her of what had happened the previous evening, bringing a small smile to her lips. It was exactly like Charlotte had promised it would be, and Merel had enjoyed every second of it.

But what if Charlotte didn’t? What if she’d been disappointed and that was why she was gone now?

The door of the hotel room opened right after Merel finished her thought. Charlotte greeted her with a grin. Without a word she sat down on the bed, eyeing Merel with while she got dressed.

‘So, I see you’re still alive?’

‘Where were you?’ Merel asked quietly, ignoring the question.

‘Downstairs, having breakfast in the restaurant. You were sleeping and you often skip food in the morning anyway so I thought-’

‘It’s okay.’ Merel interrupted her. ‘I’m going to brush my teeth.’

She was relieved. Charlotte’s answer was so simple and innocent, why hadn’t she thought of it?

And why was Charlotte following her into the bathroom?

None of them said anything. Merel took her toothbrush and toothpaste while eying the other woman through the mirror. She watched Charlotte turning on the shower, carefully feeling the water while looking for the right temperature. It was none of the blonde’s business, and yet. She kept looking at Charlotte through the mirror while brushing her teeth, watching how the singer’s clothes were removed one by one.

Charlotte knew she was watching, she had to. The closer the redhead got to being completely naked, the slower the clothes disappeared. It was slowly killing Merel inside, and she didn’t even understand why. Her core was in no state to have sex again, and yet it was more than excited.

The last piece of underwear only disappeared after was done with her teeth. She kept watching the mirror while washing her hands, too concentrated than necessary, and Charlotte grinned when she suddenly looked up. The grin was still in place when she walked closer to the girl and whispered in her ear.

‘You still smell like sex.’

Without a warning she grabbed the fabric of Merel’s shirt and pulled her into the shower with her. The shirt and shorts she was wearing were soaked within seconds, but that was not the reason she gasped. The water was hot, almost burning her skin. The steam filling the shower cabin even seemed to burn her lungs when she inhaled it, but there was no time to complain.

Within seconds Charlotte had her pinned against the wall. The warm water glued their lips together while the singer’s hands explored her body. The touches were gentle this time, and in great contrast of the previous evening. Charlotte took her time to caress the girl’s skin when she slipped her hands under the wet fabric of the shirt. She traced the shape of Merel’s breasts, made circular movements around her navel when she moved down and eventually slipped her hands in the soaked shorts.

Merel couldn’t think. She loved the hands on her body and she only wanted more. More kisses, more pleasure. More Charlotte.

Her hands were buried in the wet strands of red hair while she tried to pull Charlotte even closer. Never in all these years had she felt so close to her, and yet she only wanted more. She wanted to please the other woman, make her feel as good as Charlotte did with her.

She mirrored the singer’s movements. When Charlotte’s hand moved towards her core, so did Merel’s. When a sigh rolled over Merel’s lips, she would make sure Charlotte followed just a second later. It was a game of give and take, an ancient dance with a just as old choreography. And yet they both perfectly knew what to do.

It didn’t feel like just sex. Merel felt a connection, an attraction that was more than just physical. Charlotte’s touches were so gentle, so assuring, that she had no choice but to trust the woman with her life.

For a moment the world outside the shower did not exist. It was just the two of them and the way Charlotte made her feel, and nothing else mattered. She did not try to be quiet when her orgasm came closer. She did not think, she only felt. She felt pleasure spreading through her entire body, felt her legs give away underneath her, felt Charlotte’s arm around her waist to keep her up.

It took Merel a few seconds to come back to reality. The shower was still running, Charlotte was still holding her. Slowly she opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Charlotte looking at her. There was only one thing on Merel’s mind. Just one thought, so present that there was no way to keep it inside her head. She had to say it.

‘I love you.’

Charlotte smiled. The only answer to her confession was a deep kiss that spread to every bit of the girl’s body. And she felt herself falling in love.


	12. Chapter 12

Something was off.

Was it because they were in Canada and everyone was insanely friendly? Was it because Alissa was somewhere in the building? Maybe it was because of Charlotte’s busy schedule that she ignored the guitarist. Whatever it was, it was worrying Merel.

Was Charlotte really going to turn her back to Merel now that she’d gotten laid?

She was scared to find out what was going on, but at the same time she really wanted to know. Was she tired of Merel? Maybe something was bothering Charlotte and Merel could do something about it? Maybe Charlotte was just busy, and nothing else was going on at all.

Merel tried to convince herself of the latter option. She didn’t even want to think about the other options, and for Merel there only was one way to not think about things. Her guitar was on her lap and her fingers danced over the strings. Every melody they created had been played before, but that didn’t matter to Merel. She wasn’t trying to write something new, all she wanted was to not think. And she was miserably failing.

Something was gnawing at the back of her mind and she even physically felt it in her chest. She was scared and it was driving her crazy.

A flash of blue suddenly caught Merel’s attention. The doorway was empty by the time she looked up, but Merel was convinced Alissa had been in front of the dressing room just a second before. Determined to find her to talk about Charlotte, she put her guitar aside and jumped off her chair, almost sprinting towards the door. Before she reached the door however, Charlotte suddenly stood in the doorway. A smirk was plastered on her face while she leaned against the doorpost, as if nothing was going on at all.

‘You going somewhere?’

‘Eh, no.’ Merel answered after deciding it was better to talk to Charlotte herself than Alissa.

‘Good, I wanted to ask you something.’ Charlotte grinned. ‘My last interview of the day got cancelled. Want to have some fun in your dressing room before the show?’

Merel felt the singer’s eyes traveling over her body and mentally undressing her while she waited for an answer. Images of the last few days flashed through her mind. She enjoyed being intimate with Charlotte, but her body couldn’t take it anymore.

‘I’m sorry, I’m still sore from 2 days ago.’

‘That was a good fuck, huh? We just need to train some more.’

Charlotte’s eyes were already dilated when she stepped closer to Merel. She grabbed the guitarist’s face before pulling her closer and kissing her roughly. Merel immediately pulled back.

‘Charlie no, I really can’t have sex today.’

‘Okay then.’ Charlotte sighed before turning around and heading towards the door again. ‘My next interview is waiting.’

Merel wanted to go after her. She wanted to tell her that they could do something else, that just kissing and teasing was still an option. She wanted to do almost anything to keep Charlotte with her just a few more seconds, but their schedules decided otherwise.

Once again Merel was stopped when she wanted to leave the dressing room. Timo blocked her way, looking at her with a risen eyebrow for a second before her spoke.

‘Soundcheck is about to start, are you coming?’

‘Eh, yeah. Just give me a second.’

Mumbling a curse under her breath Merel turned around to grab her guitar before following Timo to the stage. Everyone were already waiting for them, but there was no sign of any of the vocalists in the building. Merel wasn’t surprised Charlotte wasn’t there, she already mentioned she had an interview, but she suspected Alissa would take her place for now. Alissa was going to perform with them after all.

But the soundcheck remained singerless. Charlotte nor Alissa showed up, leaving Timo and Otto to do the checks for the microphones. It was so unlike Charlotte to not be there, she always wanted to be at the souncheck to make sure her microphone was exactly like it had to be, even if it was just for a few minutes. But today there hadn’t been a single sign of the redhead, and it was worrying Merel. Something was definitely off with Charlotte.

Even after the soundcheck there was no sign of the Delain singer. She wasn’t in her dressing room, she wasn’t around the stage nor in the bathroom. It was only when the show was about to start that Charlotte suddenly showed up, without a single explanation.

The show went smoothly and Charlotte acted like there was nothing going on at all. She smiled and teased everyone like she usually did, and the others had no choice but to go along. The fans didn’t have to pay for Charlotte’s behavior. They paid for an amazing show, so that was what they had to get. Just 2 hours of pretending that everything was fine, Merel could do that.

But as soon as the show was over, Merel went hunting for an explanation.

As soon as she got rid of her guitar and all the cables attached to it, she went looking for Charlotte. Once again she found the bathroom empty, but the voices coming from the singer’s dressing room gave her a good idea of where she was. There was no need for Merel to actually get close to the room. The door was ajar and Otto’s and Charlotte’s angry voices were more than clear.

‘What were you even thinking?!’ Otto yelled. ‘Having an affair with a band member?! I could barely stand watching you use the others, but I can’t stand this. You’re ruining the band, do you know that?!’

‘How do I ruin the band with having sex with Merel?!’

‘Because it’s not just Merel! I saw you with Alissa before the show!’

‘We were just talking!’

‘Your hand was basically between her legs already!'

‘So?! I can do whatever I want, and whoever I want!’

Merel couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t want to hear another word of the conversation and hurried back to her dressing room. She felt sick, betrayed, and stupid for believing in Charlotte. With tears stinging behind her eyes, Merel quickly showered and gathered her belongings before making her way towards the bus.

She was already laying in her bunk bed by the time the other band members entered the bus. One by one they changed before crawling into bed. But Charlotte didn’t. All the male musicians were already snoring around her, but the bed underneath Merel’s was still empty. And Merel had a pretty good idea of where Charlotte was spending her evening.


	13. Chapter 13

Merel felt awful.

A lot of emotions swirled around each other, merging together to the point where she could barely call them apart. Betrayal, confusion, sadness, heartbroken, tired, hopeless and hopeful at the same time, and pain. She felt them all, and the only word that could describe how she felt, was awful.

Merel’s mind hadn’t been able to find any rest during the night. Her thought had been wandering off to Charlotte the entire time, going through all the scenarios that could have been going on. Maybe Charlotte and Alissa were just catching up, they were friends after all. Or maybe there was more. Hadn’t Otto also mentioned the blue haired singer in the long list of people Charlotte had slept with? Maybe Charlotte was adding Alissa to that list right now, touching her in the same way as she’d touched Merel the previous night.

A shiver ran up the girl’s spine as she almost felt Charlotte’s lips on her skin again. She’d enjoyed the touches, longed for them, but now they made her feel dirty. Someone else was now wearing Charlotte’s kisses on their skin. The urge to run to the bathroom and scrub her skin off grew, but Merel remained where she was. Sitting in the tourbus, watching the cars rush by and her breakfast untouched in front of her.

A soft touch on her cheek pulled her from her thoughts, followed by a natural scent Merel knew all too well. It always made her heart beat that little bit faster, and even now it woke up those damn butterflies. She didn’t want to see Charlotte, but her body didn’t agree. Why did it still react like this to the redhead’s presence?

‘Good morning.’ Charlotte smiled before sitting down next to her, and then frowned. ‘You look awful.’

Merel didn’t answer. She just gave the singer a stern look from the corner of her eye before looking outside again. A second later she was aware of how she was clenching her teeth, but relaxing was no option. Especially not with Charlotte right next to her.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Were you with Alissa last night?’ Merel blurted out, no longer able to let the not-knowing eat her up on the inside.

‘Yes.’

‘Did you sleep with her?’

‘I did.’ Charlotte answered calmly, but it broke Merel’s heart.

How could Charlotte? How could she be so casual about it? Wasn’t Merel enough for her? Hadn’t she given her enough? Otto had been right, Charlotte only cared about sex, she didn’t love. How could Merel have been so stupid?

Charlotte tried taking Merel’s hand, but the blonde pulled it back immediately. The singer didn’t give in. She grabbed Merel’s hand again, the touch burning through her skin and forcing her to look at the other woman.

‘I slept with Alissa, 4 years ago in the backstage of a festival.’ Charlotte said. ‘It was a one night stand and it never happened again since she started dating Doyle.’

‘So, you didn’t have sex with her yesterday?’ Merel asked, still doubting if she could trust the other woman.

‘No, that’s what I have you for.’ Charlotte laughed. ‘I promise, we only had a few drinks and a lot of laughs. And I kissed her cheek when we said goodbye.’

And once again, Merel was overpowered by a mess of emotions. She was relieved, so relieved that she was wrong, and yet there was a tear slowly rolling over her cheek. There was a knot in her chest, but not the kind that made her unable to breathe. She couldn’t name it, and was completely unable to think when Charlotte wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer.

‘I’m sorry.’ Merel mumbled. ‘I just thought… I’m sorry.’

‘What’s your favorite Disney movie?’

The question caught Merel off guard. It was such a simple question, but it took Merel a few seconds to realize what Charlotte had just asked. What  _was_ her favorite Disney movie again? And why did it matter?

‘The Little Mermaid.’ Merel eventually answered. ‘Why?’

‘Meet me in the lounge in 15 minutes. And eat your breakfast, you still need to grow.’

The singer ran her fingers through Merel’s hair and pecked her cheek before getting up again. Once again her heart beat that little bit faster, and this time the girl allowed the warm feeling to spread through her body. She could feel herself falling in love with Charlotte all over again, and she didn’t mind.

Just as she was told, Merel met Charlotte in the lounge of the bus 15 minutes later and she was surprised by what she saw. The singer had built a fort, using most of the pillows and blankets she’d been able to find in the bus. On the big screen was the title screen of The Little Mermaid and different kinds of fruits were placed in the fort.

‘Welcome to your castle, little mermaid.’

Without a second thought, Merel wrapped her arms around Charlotte and hugged her tight. This gesture made her fall even more in love with the redhead. Merel should be the one to apologize, not Charlotte, and yet it had been the singer to arrange this.

With a smile, Charlotte pulled back and gently took Merel’s hand before leading her over to the fort. She sat down herself before pulling the girl down to sit between her legs. Within a few minutes they got comfortable. Merel’s back resting against Charlotte’s front, her head close to one of those breasts she loved so much. The redhead pulled a blanket over the two of them and then pressed the Play button on the remote.

The intro started playing and Merel felt the happiness spreading through her body with every beat of her heart. This was what she’d dreamed of for so long. Watching movies she loved with a girl she loved, and the pillow fort was an amazing extra.

Soon she was completely caught up in the movie, and she barely noticed how Charlotte rested one of her hands on Merel’s left breast. It was just resting there, and Merel didn’t mind.


	14. Chapter 14

And here it is, the final chapter!

There was something about flying at night that made it magical. They were too high to see what was happening on earth and they were closer to the stars than ever. It truly was a wonderful sight. And yet, the only thing Merel had eyes for was the sleeping form next to her.

Charlotte’s head was resting against the window, her eyes closed and her lips almost curled up into a smile. They looked so inviting, as if they dared Merel to kiss them. But she knew better. It was a long flight after a long and exhausting tour. Charlotte needed all the rest she could get, and Merel knew she should probably try to get some sleep as well.

As careful as possible, the blonde tried to rest her head on Charlotte’s shoulder. A single butterfly in her stomach woke up when she inhaled the singer’s scent and she couldn’t fight back the smile that formed on her lips. For a second she couldn’t be happier. Then the other woman stirred. Cursing herself for waking Charlotte, Merel sat up again and sheepishly smiled. Charlotte didn’t say anything. She just looked at Merel, and eventually smiled when she spotted the goosebumps covering the girl’s arm.

‘Were you trying to steal my warmth while I was asleep?’

‘Ehm… Maybe?’

Merel did her best to look innocent, but there was something in Charlotte’s eyes. The girl wasn’t sure if it was the haze of sleep, or if the singer was brewing up some kind of dark plan. A smirk slowly grew on Charlotte’s face. A dark plan it was.

‘What time is it?’

‘Around 4:30, I guess.’

‘Good.’

With the smirk still in place, Charlotte got up from her seat. Merel got up as well so the singer could go wherever she wanted, but was surprised when Charlotte grabbed her arm and dragged her along to the back of the plane. Everyone around them seemed to be asleep. The other musicians, the crew members, the strangers who happened to be on the same plane. No one noticed them when they passed them and Merel was very happy about that.

A smirk on Charlotte’s face usually didn’t mean anything good, and neither did it this time. Merel’s heart started racing when she was pushed into the small toilet cabin. Charlotte quickly joined her and locked the door, her grin even wider now. Oh no…

‘Ever heard of the Mile High Club?’

Exactly what Merel thought. Before she could say anything, Charlotte already had her pinned against the wall, her lips firmly pressed against Merel’s. This was wrong, this was so, so wrong. They could be discovered at any moment. It was so wrong, but also so exciting. There just was no way Merel could say no to those lips and she easily gave in to them once they kissed her neck. A moan escaped and almost immediately Charlotte looked her in the eye.

‘You have to be quiet.’ Charlotte whispered. ‘And I have to be quick.’

Without hesitation the singer’s hand slipped into the sweatpants Merel was wearing before making its way into her underwear. Merel gasped, but was quickly silenced by Charlotte’s lips again. The singer kissed her hard and didn’t waste any time inside the blonde’s pants either. Her finger easily found Merel’s clit and pushed down on it.

Merel’s knees got weak at the touch. She buried her fingers in Charlotte’s shirt, holding on to it as she felt the singer’s hand move to her entrance. Two fingers thrusted into her, Charlotte’s palm pushing against the girl’s clit. There was no time for teasing now. Charlotte didn’t give Merel any time to enjoy the feeling of her fingers inside her, but started thrusting at a fast rhythm right away. It was driving her insane, to the point where she no longer knew how to control her body. Luckily, Charlotte knew exactly how to do just that.

Every thrust touched Merel in exactly the right spot and Charlotte’s palm never lost contact with her clit. Her lips where still pressed against Merel’s, keeping her quiet and making it harder for her to breathe. Charlotte’s free hand kept the girl pinned against the wall, leaving her nowhere to go but straight to her orgasm.

Merel knew she wouldn’t last long, especially not when she felt Charlotte’s fingers digging in deeper and harder. Desperately she held on to the singer’s shirt as if her life depended on it, her knees completely giving in when her orgasm hit her hard.

Charlotte managed to keep her up and finally gave her time to breathe. A small moan escaped when the singer pulled her fingers out and Merel missed them immediately. Those fingers knew Merel so well, knew exactly what her weak spots were, and were maybe even more talented than her own skilled fingers.

Without looking away from the girl in front of her, Charlotte brought her hand to her lips and licked her fingers clean. It definitely was one of the most arousing things Merel had ever seen. Still out of breath, she leaned up and kissed Charlotte, tasting herself on the singer’s lips.

‘Get yourself together.’ Charlotte grinned when she suddenly pulled back. ‘We have to go back before it gets suspicious.’

Without another word, Charlotte unlocked the door and left, leaving Merel behind. The girl smiled while she tried to catch her breath. She’d never expected to find herself having sex on an airplane, but here she was, the newest member of the Mile High Club. And it was all because of Charlotte. The singer was full of surprises and Merel couldn’t wait to get back to her.

Once her heart had slowed down, Merel opened the door and carefully peeked out. Everyone still seemed to be asleep, and with a sigh of relief Merel made her way back to her seat. Charlotte was already waiting for her and smiled when Merel sat down. She opened her arms and Merel happily leaned into them. Resting her head against Charlotte’s chest and listening to her heartbeat, the girl closed her eyes before dozing off to sleep.

Merel could barely believe it was over. No more concerts, no more stress, no more waiting, and no more travelling. They were in Netherlands, luggage in their hands and on their way out of the airport. The tour was officially over.

Everyone was quiet while they pushed their suitcases towards to exit. It had been a long flight, the jetlag was already noticeable on everyone’s faces and they were all tired. Merel was so looking forward to get home and crash down on her own bed, but secretly she was looking even more forward to what could happen after that. Spending more time with Charlotte without anyone else around. No stress, no tour, just them. Just the thought of it warmed Merel’s heart, and she was surprised when she found herself actually saying the singer’s name out loud.

‘Charlotte?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Do you want to go out for a drink this evening?’

Charlotte suddenly stood still and the rest of the bad followed. All eyes were set on them, and Merel mentally kicked herself for not waiting until they were alone.

‘Are you asking me out on a date?’ Charlotte laughed ‘Oh Merel, we’re not going to do that.’

‘Why… not?’

‘Look, I had a lot of fun, and we can do it again some time, but I don’t want to date you. It was just sex.’

Disbelieve settled in Merel’s heart. No, this could not be true. Charlotte had been so nice to her, so sweet, this couldn’t just be about sex. She’d felt a connection between them! This wasn’t just sex!

‘I thought you loved me!’

‘I never said that.’ Charlotte said, her voice cold as ice. ‘I said I  _liked_  you, but I never said I loved you, because I don’t. All of it was just sex.’

And with that, Charlotte put her hands on the cart again and left.

Merel couldn’t believe it. She was right, Charlotte had never said the word  _love_. Merel had said it, but Charlotte hadn’t said it back. How could she have been so blind? So deaf to Otto’s warnings? What was she supposed to do now? Never before had she felt so lost and looked at her band mates in need of help. They all just stood there, watching her as she slowly fell apart. Her heart sank when Otto’s voice sounded.

‘I told you so. I warned you, but you wouldn’t listen.’

With those words he turned around, and the others followed his example. They all left her behind with her broken heart, and it all was her own fault.

Stepping into her room felt like stepping into another world. The sun greeted her through the window next to her bed, the colors surrounding her were light and calm. It was silent, not a single noise was to be heard. It felt so unreal.

Slowly Merel took another step into the room, hitting her toe on her suitcase in the process. And that’s when tears formed in her eyes, and a single one managed to escape. The pain was real, so the rest had to be as well. This was reality. No hectic tour schedule, no other people around, no fans waiting around every corner. No longer living during the darkest hours of the days, but being met by the sun in the morning. Everything she’d known in the last weeks had been fake, Charlotte’s love being the most painful of all. It had all been a lie, and Merel had been too blind to see it. They tried to warn her, but she wouldn’t listen. She was a victim of her own desire.


End file.
